#hahahahahaha um. am i paranoid

[thelunaticghost]

i miss being a little unhinged abt bollywood but alas neither old me or the old bollywood i grew up with is there anymore anyway

[stormecloudyy-blog]

The Weight ii

You tell me you were happier with him, you want me to stay And you tell me that you needed time but you push me away

Shawn shows up at the same cafe we used to go to when we were dating on the very morning Matt thought it would be a good idea for us to eat out. He sits across the room from us, long limbs sprawled out on the couch with earbuds in his ears to drown out the rest of the world. Matt doesn’t seem bothered at all Shawn is here, saying there is no rule against coming to a place we went when we were together. Matt says he and I should be the ones leaving if anything, since Shawn was the one who introduced us to the place. He even tries to calm my fears by placing a gentle kiss on my lips and promising Shawn is fine. Still, I feel this gnawing in my chest Shawn did come here because Matt mentioned it to him, but I just want to know why.

“Why did you have to pick this place out of all the places we could go?” I ask, picking apart my muffin with both hands and throwing the pieces back onto my plate one by one. Matt places his hands over mine to stop the nervous gesture. Without a word, he places his own muffin on my plate and just looks at me until he thinks I am calm enough for him to take his hands back. 

“This is fine. We are fine, Shawn is fine,” Matt reassures me, lifting up his mug to take a long sip of his coffee.

I take a few deep breaths and pick up the muffin he gave me, taking a small bite so I don’t need to talk and worry about all of the things going wrong right this very moment. Matt is just smiling at me like we are just this happy, normal couple, like it doesn’t matter one of his best friends keeps glaring daggers at me while I am just eating a muffin. He wants to the be the peace maker. When we started dating, I told him Shawn was going to lose his shit and Matt promised Shawn was over it... he said it was “all good” and he wished me and Matt only the best. But like... I knew Shawn so well. I knew he had probably said it sarcastically and was beyond upset I would do something so cold and callous as dating one of his closest friends.

“That is what Shawn wants you to think,” I whisper scream at Matt, muffin flying out of my mouth and spraying the table. “He wants you to think it is okay, but I told you what he said at the bookstore. I fucking told you!”

“You need to stop yelling and getting muffin all over the place,” Matt sternly informs, using a napkin to clean up the mess I am making. He finishes up his mug of coffee quickly, downing the rest of the contents and looking down at the bill sitting on the edge of the table. He reaches for his wallet and motions he is going to pay so we can leave before I completely lose my mind and make it so we are banned from this cafe for life. Shawn watches as Matt walks away, deep stare making it seem like he can see right into my soul and know how bad I feel right now about being in the place where Shawn first asked me to be his girlfriend. 

“Are you ready to go or are you going to keep trying to make this worse than it already is?” Matt questions, standing in front of me so now my view of Shawn is blocked. His arms are crossed over his chest and he is frowning, looking super tired and annoyed at the same time. 

“I am not..” I trail off, not sure what I can say so it doesn’t sound like I was just staring at Shawn and reliving some of our best memories. “I am just saying it seems really weird Shawn would be here when you and I are, but he doesn’t even come over to say anything. That is not how normal people behave.” I stand up, grabbing my bag and slinging it over my shoulder. Matt just shakes his head and walks toward the exit, never even looking back to see if I am keeping the pace with him. 

“You are my girlfriend now, not Shawn’s,” Matt murmurs under his breath once we reach the car. He doesn’t speak the whole way back to my house, and he doesn’t kiss me goodbye when I get out of the car.

I find Shawn later on the same day at the bookstore I work at, leaning against a shelf as he reads a book about Elvis Presley. It is technically my day off, but there were some books I had on hold so I wanted to pick them so I could start reading them while I had the free time today. His tawny eyes meet mine as he watches at the front counter, picking up the three books I ordered and paying for them. He doesn’t say anything as I leave, returning to his book like it doesn’t even bother him how much of a stalker he was being this morning. All I wanted to do was have a nice breakfast with my boyfriend, but Shawn had to ruin it by simply being there. Now he is at my work, meaning I can get no escape from him and those vicious words he likes to spew at me when we are all alone. I check my phone to see if Matt responded to my text, but there are no new notifications. Suddenly, there is a chill running up and down my spine as though I am no longer alone. 

I take a deep breath, knowing I am safe walking down the street in broad daylight. There are other people around, and nothing is going to happen to me. Clearly I am just upset because of the fight I am having with Matt, and it is making me overly paranoid bout the rest of my day. Just as I am about to cross the street so I can catch the bus to go back home, I look over my shoulder and see Shawn walking toward me at a brisk pace. His long legs means he can catch up quickly, but it also means he was following me from the moment I left the bookstore. He places a hand on my shoulder, causing me to let out a gasp and back away from him. He shoves his hands in his pockets and looks at me sheepishly, apologies in his expression because it is clear he did not intend to scare me. 

He looks at me for a moment, taking in the fact the ring he gave me still rests against my collarbone. I place my hand over it carefully, moving it back and forth over the chain the way I do when I am nervous. He reaches out to take the bag from my hands like he used to, always polite and saying he would carry anything for me because he could not resist the way I would smile and say thank you when he did so. But that was a lifetime ago so I keep a grip on my bag, stepping back so he can’t reach out again. I shake my head, not speaking all of those words we should have said long ago. He just sighs, ,shoving his hands back into his pockets and dancing back and forth on his heels tensely. 

“Hi,” I say, not sure what else I can say without sounding really insane at this moment.

“Hi,” he replies, eyes looking around my car or Matt to see if there is something he should be worried about. “How did you get here, by the way?”

“Took the bus,” I respond, pointing at the bus stop located just across the street where the bus I need is pulling up. “But that was the bus I needed to get home, and now Matt is not answering me so I guess I am going to be walking home.” I sigh, wondering if I should save myself the long walk home and show up at Matt’s house. He may not be happy to see me, but there is no way he will just kick me out if I explain to him I missed the bus and didn’t want to walk home. Shawn watches the bus pull away, leaving me behind and then he points towards the way we came from.

“I could, um, you know, give you a ride home.” he suggests, biting his lip as though he regrets the offer a moment later but doesn’t try to take it back.

I just shake my head, knowing him giving me a ride home would be one of the worst ideas in the world. Matt is mad at me, and I know he trust me... but I don’t want to have any more reasons to have my boyfriend angry with me. Shawn doesn’t walk away, going back to his car and leaving me alone so I can walk home. Instead, he reaches over and brushes his long fingers against my wrist for the briefest moment. It is the same gesture he would do all of the time when we were dating, and he was trying to apologize. It catches me off guard for him to do something so familiar yet intimate. I don’t know how to respond, there are so many things we should both be sorry for, but none of them matter here and now. 

“Don’t you have somewhere to be? Like shouldn’t you be with Hailey or something?” I question, wanting to end this tense situation and forget we even saw one another. Shawn seems to snap back to reality when I saw Hailey, like somehow he forgot he has a fiancee.

“You told me you just needed some time to figure your life out,” Shawn tells me, shaking his head like he can’t believe my words. “But yet you want to push me away when I am only trying to be a friend.”

hahahahahaha i don’t even know what the fuck this. i know people liked the first part, and i like writing this but i swear i have no idea what i am doing, i am just making this up as i go along. i hope y’all like it though

[geek-gem]

About my last post

Heh well about Sonic Forces and just that Eggman thing and I just took a shower heh. I'm kind of freaking out and making it seem like the Sonic Boom version of Dr. Eggman actually took over the world heh. I'm sorry yet just...I've been thinking of making this when I was going home with my mom. Also it's very harsh and suppose to be a parody along with some spoilers heh. Dr. Eggman the games version is at a bar villains whatever just flat out drunk but depressed about his losses by Sonic in the main games and is paranoid about what the 25th anniversary game holds up for him. Some characters show up. Yellow Diamond: well look who it is it's Dr. Eggman tell me how's your hedgehog friend. Has he beaten you already yet cause it looks like your drinking cause of that. Dr. Eggman: Damn it woman just leave me alone can't you see I'm just afraid of what's in store for the 25th anniversary game I know nothing about what they have planned. Is it another Sonic 06 or Rise Of Lyric or Sonic Generations yet that game was fun heh. Yellow Diamond: seriously even that little brat of a child from The Loud House episode, "The Waiting Game" is more of a antagonist then you as he's hateable. Oh wait I forgot your Archie, DIC, and Fleetway versions actually took over the world in a basically even if their less charming or interesting. It's amazing what they can do better then you Blue Diamond: I'm actually agreeing with all of that sister. Dr. Eggman: shut your God damn mouths you Diamond whores. Your species deserves to be extinct. Yellow Diamond: How dare you Had to look up Sonic Lost World Zavok: hahaha He just points with his right hand Zavok: I'm amazed too by how you can't even beat that hedgehog. Even if we didn't win. We got to his limits unlike you. I've seen stuff of you doing much better but what happened. Yellow Diamond: I wondered what happened to the villain who pointed a gun at Amy Roses head and who has stopped Super Sonic a couple of times, blew up half the moon, and shattered the planet, and other things. Honestly the main thing is you haven't conquered the world ha. Zavok: yes even if we failed look how much you failed. We even almost killed your planet. Dr. Eggman: shut the fuck up all of you, you think your better then me, for the 25th anniversary I'm gonna kick Sonic's ass and show how much of a villain I am the real doctor of the Sonic series Dr. Eggman. Exuse me burp heh. Zavok: hmmph I like to see you try Dr. Eggman:*wipes off beer off of mouth with his right arm* FUCKIN WATCH ME MATE! *So many hours of drunken rage and tears just Eggman crying and so much swearing* *One Project Sonic 2017 teaser later* Dr. Eggman: now do you see what I'm capable of. Yellow Diamond, Blue Diamond, and Zavok see the destroyed city and giant Death Egg Robots. Dr. Eggman: oh come on this was only done by my blood, sweat, tears, and me snapping cause you all flat out insulted me about not conquering the world. Zavok: this.....this is impossible. Dr. Eggman: what Zavok: HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE THIS IS INSANE THIS JUST YOUR A JOKE YOU JUST NO JUST WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED MAN Yellow Diamond: as of right now I think Lisa Loud is crying cause this seemed truly impossible it just felt like it. Dr. Eggman: oh my dear Yellow Diamond I think anyone who is remotely evil or has evil in them is crying cause I DR. IVO ROBOTINK EGGMAN HAVE FINALLY RULED THE WORLD HAHAHAHAHAHA HOHOHOHOHOHO! Zavok: IS THIS REAL ARE YOU SURE THAT THE MAIN VILLAIN IS REAL ITS NOT SOMEONE VOICED BY JS GILBERT, G RUSSEL REYNOLDS, OR SEAN PERTWEE IS THIS REAL! Had to look up on Killzone 2 heh the cast just meh heh and The Loud House was on and bro was here heh Dr. Eggman: YES THIS IS REAL ZAVOK YOU AND THE DEADLY SIX MUST KNOW THIS Heh Dr. Eggman: THIS IS REAL Dr. Eggman: wait.....what's that sound or wait....it's music......why is it Disturbed's, "Ten Thousand Fists"....oh shit I'VE UNLEASHED THE SONIC'S THEIR PISSED AND DETERMINED AS ALL FUCK NOW EVEN THEIR FRIENDS OH GOD WHY WAIT! Dr. Eggman: hey Noel Wells wanna voice my new helper who might betray and help Sonic cause I'm the main villain this time. You need to be more in voice work you dear ol gal Heh Noel Wells: well I'm glad you asked Wasn't thinking of them talking on the phone heh the fuck is this heh um.....this is just heh so random reference. ....I don't know lol heh ummmmmmmm some what sorry wanted to make that heh damn it just heh um..my smile this is....it's a joke what is this lol Arin Hanson's WHAT IS THIS yeah this man no tags too this is too harsh just I'm still surprised heh typed that three times um was trying to find gifs of the giant Death Egg Robots tried sonic forces and project sonic 2017

[rosecolored-gay]

All questions

Sure.

1.Who was the last person you held hands with?- Abe
2. Are you outgoing or shy?- Eh, I’m a mix of both.
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?- Abe
4. Are you easy to get along with?- I think I am, yes.
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?- Mhm.
6. What kind of people are you attracted to?- The ones who make me laugh, make me feel comfortable.
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?- Who knows?
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?- Nick. Miss him like crazy.
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?- Depends on who I’m talking about it with.
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?- Caitlin ❤
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?- “I am too at this point” 
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?- Who I am hates who I’ve been - Relient K- Beside you - 5sos- Somewhere only we know - glee cover- Evergreen - Knuckle Puck- Happy - nsn
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?- There’s only one person now who can touch my hair without me flipping out 
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?- Yes
15. What good thing happened this summer?- Hah last summer was shit. Hopefully this one will be better.
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?- No
17. Do you think there is life on other planets?
- I don’t know18. Do you still talk to your first crush?- Nah
19. Do you like bubble baths?- I don’t think I’ve ever taken one
20. Do you like your neighbors?- Omg no, they’re assholes.
21. What are your bad habits?- I bite my nails, I play with my hair too much, I worry more than I should, I overthink.
22. Where would you like to travel?- Canada, the keys
23. Do you have trust issues?- Yea
24. Favorite part of your daily routine?- Sleeping?
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?- The whole thing 
26. What do you do when you wake up?- Check my phone 
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?- I actually like being really pale.
28. Who are you most comfortable around?- Abe and Caitlin
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?- Don’t care enough to talk to them 
30. Do you ever want to get married?- I mean I have a fake wedding set for 7 years from now
31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?- Nope, but all of my friends still accidentally ask me for hair ties constantly 
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?- Hayley Williams and Emma Watson
33. Spell your name with your chin.- wntdd - that is nowhere near Alyssa
34. Do you play sports? What sports?- I used to do martial arts, and I was a swimmer.
35. Would you rather live without TV or music?- Tv probably 
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?- Duh
37. What do you say during awkward silences?
- come here often? But like only to one person 38. Describe your dream girl/guy?- Makes me laugh, sings in the car with me
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?- I hate shopping so much. But vans I guess 
40. What do you want to do after high school?- Well I’m already in college so.
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?- Hahahahahaha, no.
42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?- Depends on who I’m with. If I’m with someone I’m close to, then something is on my mind. If I’m with someone I’m not close to, I’m probably just gauging the situation.
43. Do you smile at strangers?- Yeah.
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?- Outer space.
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?- Knowing I get to see certain people.
46. What are you paranoid about?- so many things
47. Have you ever been high?- I think 
48. Have you ever been drunk?- yes
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?- nah
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?- black I think.
51. Ever wished you were someone else?- for a while I did, now I don’t.
52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?- my appearance.
53. Favourite makeup brand?- I don’t wear makeup
54. Favourite store?- vans 
55. Favourite blog?- probably Caitlin’s or some of the gay ones I follow, too lazy to name you all
56. Favourite colour?- grey and blue
57. Favourite food? - so hard to answer. I love burgers 
58. Last thing you ate?- chicken and quinoa
59. First thing you ate this morning?- eggs, but at like 2pm
60. Ever won a competition? For what?- martial arts and swimming
61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?- okay so I was suspended in middle school for some kid being an ass. I told him to shut up and he stabbed me with a pencil, so I stabbed him back and then he throw a desk at my head and we both got suspended.
62. Been arrested? For what?- no.
63. Ever been in love? - who knows what it was?
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?- it was with this super sweet guy in 6th grade. The kiss wasn’t that great but I ran into him a few years ago and he’s gay and so am I so it was really funny.
65. Are you hungry right now?- nah
66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?- sometimes. But then again there’s only 2 people I constantly talk to 
67. Facebook or Twitter?-Twitter
68. Twitter or Tumblr?- tumblr 
69. Are you watching tv right now?- just turned it off, was watching bones.
70. Names of your bestfriends? - Caitlin, Abrianna
71. Craving something? What?- can’t have it, won’t name it.
72. What colour are your towels?- half are reddish orange, half are turquoise 
72. How many pillows do you sleep with?- 2 under my head
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?- yes, this adorable stuffed otter that I got with Abe in Georgia. Hers is named Lenny and mine is Miku
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?- shit, I have so many because of when I was a kid.
75. Favourite animal?- otter right now
76. What colour is your underwear?- blue 
77. Chocolate or Vanilla?- vanilla
78. Favourite ice cream flavour?- for some weird reason I love pistachio
79. What colour shirt are you wearing?- faded red
80. What colour pants?- blue and black boxers
81. Favourite tv show?- greys anatomy
82. Favourite movie?- at the moment it’s the pacifier
83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?- mean girls 
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?- mean girls 
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?- fuck if I remember their names. the one that says you can’t sit with us 
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?- dory
87. First person you talked to today?- Caitlin
88. Last person you talked to today?- my mother
89. Name a person you hate?- some rude guy I have to be around a lot 
90. Name a person you love?- Abe
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?- YES
92. In a fight with someone?- eh
93. How many sweatpants do you have?- idk, not a lot actually 
94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?- like 5, but Abe has one rn so like 4
95. Last movie you watched?- we only watched half of it, but finding dory
96. Favourite actress?- Sandra oh 
97. Favourite actor?- Justin chambers
98. Do you tan a lot?- I’m so white lol, I burn like a lobster.
99. Have any pets?- yes, two dogs that are my babies. I also really love my best friends animals so that would end up adding 3 cats 
100. How are you feeling?- confused af
101. Do you type fast?- yes, and like 1000x faster when I’m angry
102. Do you regret anything from your past?- spending so much time and effort on someone who screwed me over
103. Can you spell well?- yes, I won spelling bees when I was younger 
104. Do you miss anyone from your past?- some old friends that I lost touch with, but otherwise no.
105. Ever been to a bonfire party?- yes 
106. Ever broken someone’s heart?- probably?
107. Have you ever been on a horse?- yes!
108. What should you be doing?- sleeping 
109. Is something irritating you right now?- yeah
110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?-um yes.
111. Do you have trust issues?- yes
112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?- pretty sure it was Caitlin, but Bart was in the car
113. What was your childhood nickname?- Brandi used to call me “lyss”, she’s like the only one who was ever allowed to give me a nickname
114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?- a few times
115. Do you play the Wii?- no
116. Are you listening to music right now?- yes, it’s a playlist of some stuff I listened to yesterday 
117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?- nope
118. Do you like Chinese food?- yessss
119. Favourite book?- right now because I read so much, end of watch by Stephen king
120. Are you afraid of the dark?- sometimes
121. Are you mean?- heck yes I can be such an ass
122. Is cheating ever okay?- no. no one fucking deserves to wonder why they weren’t good enough.
123. Can you keep white shoes clean?-yes 
124. Do you believe in love at first sight?- idk
125. Do you believe in true love?- yeah
126. Are you currently bored?- kinda but I’m answering these so no
127. What makes you happy?- goofy days with my fave people/person
128. Would you change your name?- yeah maybe 
129. What your zodiac sign?- Gemini, but I’m not an asshat
130. Do you like subway?- not really 
131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?- well I’m gay so that’s awkward, but I know he doesn’t lol.
132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?- Caitlin!
133. Favourite lyrics right now?- “you make me happy, whether you know it or not"
134. Can you count to one million?- yes
135. Dumbest lie you ever told?- "I’m fine"
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?- closed at my house, but when I’m at someone else’s house it’s up to them
137. How tall are you?- I’m short thanks. 5'2 AND A HALF. The half counts.
138. Curly or Straight hair?- I prefer whatever
139. Brunette or Blonde?- reddish, not a fan of blondes. Brunettes are okay.
140. Summer or Winter?- winter
141. Night or Day?- night
142. Favourite month?- novemberish
143. Are you a vegetarian?-no
144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?- dark or milk, depends on what it is
145. Tea or Coffee?- iced tea and iced coffee. the only good hot coffee is from wawa
146. Was today a good day?- not really too great 
147. Mars or Snickers?- neither 
148. What’s your favourite quote?- I don’t have one right now.
149. Do you believe in ghosts?- eh.
150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line- that’s way too far, I’m not getting out of bed!

Enjoy these anon. Maybe come off anon and tell me who you are?

[survivornavarino]

Episode #5: WE LANA DEL REY TONIGHT FAM -Rebecka

Back from exile so here's the happenings ~Immediately cried to Beckka about Tim leaving and being slaughtered in my arms. ~Messaged Trixie, well she messaged me about what happened our other tribal. ~Messaged all the favs cuz idc if Im at the bottom, im obviously bottom of fans or favs so WHATEVER. ~Talked a lot to Julia cuz we have a lot in common (Witchcraft, being 16 y/o babies, getting lit) ~Told all the favs I have no one in this game which is true. FAVS IF YOU LISTENING TAKE ME IN. PLEASE AND THANKS. ~Messaged Vi cuz at least she was with me.

Honestly what were they thinking with voting out Tee? I guess that's a challenge threat out of the way, so I won't complain.

https://youtu.be/HepZnpuimhM ________________________________________________________________ https://youtu.be/IJWWj23olkA

HAHAHAHAHAHA I LOVE LANA DEL REY SO MUCH NICE TRY AMIRADOR GET READY PUT ON UR ACRYLIC NAILS AND WINGED EYELINER WE LANA DEL REY TONIGHT FAM 

So the bad news is I found out Drew has been hardcore dropping my name since the game started and I thought we were cool but it's fine snakes will be snakes. I think he's a little shook about my at bat (me having won 1/3 games I've played) cause he's hinted at how crazy that is. And that would explain why he's pulling out fake receipts and conspiracies to get me out. Whew game recognize game https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/ryans-reality-network/images/6/61/Awright_alyssa_edwards.gif/revision/latest?cb=20150724035546 The good news is Eddie is a real one, we really are Joe and Desi from HvHvH, and he spilled all the tea. And honestly we have a similar playing style so we're really about to go the distance, especially if I never get reunited with Julia or Rebecka. SO we need to slay this lip sync so we both live but on the off chance we lose, things are gonna kick into high gear. I've only seen one season of Survivor (HvHvH) but Tyler convinced me to watch Kaoh Rong and let me just say that has shed some light on things. Voting Jacob? Will always be there. Sending another fan out? No problem. Voting long-term? Now that's not a bad idea. So when I said, "What if we got Drew out?" Eddie was all ears. Obviously this is super early and under wraps BUT between the two of us we can make it happen. The key is Tyler and Jake so if we can get them we have a guaranteed majority. It all comes down to timing and the pitch. This is our best chance to clock Drew and whoever fails the vetting process will be left out. If Eddie says that whenever someone takes a shot at Drew they can't afford to miss and that has to be a blindside, then this plan has to be airtight. I wonder who could pull something like that off https://media.giphy.com/media/QmeB1Hr5fz7a0/giphy.gif

I volunteered to do the music video since I was a film major and have professional editing software. It puts a good deal of pressure on me because if we lose it looks like I really dropped the ball. However, I’m hoping that my attempts to organize us and edit the entire thing will earn me some respect and points from my tribe. It’s a bit frustrating getting ideas out of everyone. Nobody seems to want to volunteer thoughts or contribute to the brainstorming and we don’t have much time at all to get this done.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=CdgOebQNYEE ________________________________________________________________ https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cdsZyoPZe5Q

First challenge on a new tribe and we lost. WHOOP DE DOO. Im going to try and find an in with the favs and hopefully stick with them. Saying how I have no allegience in this game. Also I keep forgetting that I can idol hunt so Im just casually at level 4 still I think. Ill probably look in the morning. But what were we thinking with Great Balls of Fire. That song is iconic and now that Tyler won he has chances of getting an in with people, but I want him gone Obviously no can do since I am not on his tribe anymore. Might as well dwindle down his numbers from this side then.

So we lost the lip sync. I had to apply lipstick for the first time so that was fun. Sadly one of us has to go home and my guess is it's either Heather, Trixie or Vi unless me or another favorite is getting targeted secretly. I need Heather and Trixie in the game if i'm being honest, mainly due to Trixie having rumors spread about her on the OG Admirador tribe and I wanna see if I can mess around with that. Then Heather was saying that people on the OG Admirador tribe were being fake to her, and she also told me Tyler got paranoid due to Heather not responding to Tyler's messages. So I hope Tyler makes it past merge, because I can work with paranoia. For those who don't know I'm trying a villainy thing and it's probably gonna fail miserably and I'm gonna look like a dumb fuck but I was the hero on my season and I wanted to try villainy out. I'm not good at long confessionals I apologize I feel like i'm the kid in the class presentation who speaks in a monotone voice and makes everyone fall asleep.

Me to the other tribe if/when i reach merge and we get to talk: https://desmadrechic.tumblr.com/post/171063789210/oh-god Ignore the caption that came with the video ajsjsjdkjd

So the other tribe voted out Tee and I'm a n g e r y The challenge was a music video. Still a n g e r y We won. Still a n g e r y!

So like this is bad for the fans, I feel like the faves will just band together and take the easy vote route, I need to socialise today. I need to just make strong social bonds and make sure people want to keep me around. I wanna act dumb and want them to think I am a free number for them. I like Drew and feel like he will be loyal to me, I am no 100% sure what Mitch and Autumn will do but I feel like they will keep me over Jake and Tyler if we end up going to tribal.

Well look at that I got added to a new alliance chat...! Autumn added me, Tyler, and Eddie to an alliance and we named it "Keyboard Smashers" and um I like everyone in it but I also like Drew...so I'm gonna protec him! If we lose and we're still on the same tribe I think I'd want to vote out Mitch since he hasn't made any efforts to talk to me individually. It's a shame bc I think we'd have a lot in common, but oh well! Tbh I have a feeling that we're gonna swap into 3 tribes of 5 next round...my psyche is telling me this...and I'm always right! But I hope I'm wrong because I feel like I'm in a really good position on this tribe and I'm scared to swap on a tribe with people from the other tribe because I think Heather and Vi wouldn't work with me, neither would the faves on the other side. Anyways...I'm a bad bitch.

We just did THAT and I'm happy for it. I've not gotten the chance to be as much if a social butterfly as I would like because my work situation is still adjusting, so if I can keep staying safe until merge that would be highly appreciated. HeatherAs of right now he vote is Vi. I dont agree with it since she is the only one who has been truthful to me in this game so far. But I dont see any way of saving her right now. My only choice I feel in this game is to team up with the favs and get out the fans, which I don't mind as long as that fan isn't me. Plus the fans (minus my loves Vi and Tim) all left me out of the vote. If they think I am going to crawl right back to them come another swap or merge, they have something coming. HOPEFULLY THIS VOTE ISNT ME OR ILL CRY.

So I'm just like really sad because I love vi and I never wanted to vote her out of this game but I have to and that's really sad.  I don't really have much else to say I just feel super guilty.

du du du..... another fan bites the dust and another fan gone, another fan gone another fan bites the dust

Why is it that each tribal gets messier than the last? Well maybe I should back up. We lost... again. Wow what curse have we brought to this tribe. I call bs since we were nice enough to give an upbeat song. The judges are bias smh. Anyways literally no one talked. What vote who? I dunno. It’s super silent which brings bad news. Probably gonna have to expect to be voted out tonight. Oh well. Hopefully heather doesn’t get voted out but I feel like it’ll be another fan that’s gone. The favs know each other and so they’re banding together I believe. Such sadness. I’ll just have to wait until tribal to know tho

Oh, right, this is a thing I need to do. Anyway, same boring shit as always, I'd put "Drew won an immunity challenge" as my mood message but it could be about anything, really. I think there are only like two tribal challenges I've ever lost in Athena. Bonus points because it was the music video challenge so you know my ass floated by and gave it all of ten minutes of thought, but we had a damn savant on the tribe! I love it when tribe swaps work out well for me. People were expressing all this sadness for Trixie and Vi going to their fifth tribal in a row and I'm just sitting here like listen, any goddamn time someone wants to take my seat at tribal and give me the night off, they're welcome to it. Denise Stapley is a cute look on some people, I guess. I'm just fine over here with my Cirie Fields kickback realness, I don't need tribal council, y'all can wait until FTC to give me a torch as far as I'm concerned.

What's the haps? Stress, angina, and crippling anxiety. Anyway. We won immunity which I'm real happy about because I can nOT go to tribal council. I absolutely refuse to lose and I'm really hoping I just make it to merge without attending a tribal council. For some reason I feel like I will I will either go to like the tribal before merge and leave at the first tribal I attend or I will make it to merge without losing and I will be merge boot. I really am happy because I feel like if we went to tribal council Drew would have targeted Autumn which is something I am SOOOO against. I literally sold my soul to that girl and that's who I'm riding with for the rest of the game. So because I love ha so much I kind spilled the beans to her about Drew targeting her. I feel like really bad about it though cause I do consider Drew a close friend but for some reason I'm really having a hard time trusting him. I just feel like he's only with me until he doesn't need me anymore and then he'll totally see me for the threat that I am and take me out. I feel so bad about it but I just feel like it's what I needed to do to show Autumn that I trust her and have her back. Because of that I think Autumn would've gone after Drew and I feel like I would've had to pick a side and I really just can't vote Drew out yet njvjsdfkdnsjk. I would literally feel terrible about it cause I usually don't turn on my close allies pre-merge but if he goes after Autumn then I have no other choice. As I'm typing this I'm beginning to wonder why I didn't just tell Drew that I didn't want to vote Autumn out. Maybe he would've said ok we can target somebody else. Why don't I trust him enough to say that? Hmm idk I'm just so on edge. So a 4 person alliance was created and I'm soooooo happy. MY first alliance in this game! I finally feel have something I can maybe rely on and trust for a bit. It includes Autumn, Jake, and Tyler all of which I LOVEEEEE. Like omg this is my dream alliance I'm screaming. If we stick together we at least have enough to tie it. But who knows what will happen. I'm watching you JAKE >.>